When I was single, I had difficulty understanding what married people with kids did for entertainment beyond, you know, being married. Today I feel sorry for those sustaining jubilantly meaningless lives of the sort that I, admittedly, thoroughly enjoyed. Children are the coolest things in the world, though I should clarify that statement by adding that I want to learn more about dolphins and volcanology.

But dolphins rarely run for office, and volcanoes are rarely, to my empirical knowledge, confused about Shakespeare. Again, based only on information and belief, neither dolphins nor volcanoes have ever contributed to the wealth of literary material on vampires.

Changing cultures can be difficult on children, particularly when one of their parents repeatedly launches disinformation campaigns. There were difficulties interpreting the tradition of Boxing Day. An even more disorienting discussion ensued when Sophie Ellis-Baxter was thrown off of Top of the Pops for turning 19.

Most recently we've had some issues relating to Imaginary Friends and Magazines.

kids are cool, but I want to go back home