LAND OF THE PHAROAHS (1955) * Never has ancient Egypt appeared so bland, as if that's an accomplishment. Also, Joan Collins in horrible bangs, like ram horns, and soot all over her face. It's amazing to think that she was ever invited to appear in another film, much less have an acting career that would be still sputtering along nearly 50 years later. That says something, but I don't want to think about it. The music, absolutely crucial to any film with epic pretensions, has nothing to do with the scenes and is anyway the worst kind of tripe: elevator DJs profounding classical in between flipping burgers at the corporate regional of their moonlighting job. I can't recall a single line being delivered with conviction, by any actor in the entire film, or any other semblance of competence. The thousands of extras, and camels and donkeys, are fascinating in comparison to the leads. As is the sand. It's difficult to believe that William Faulkner, truely a brilliant and original writer, had anything to do with this-the dialogue would have been ridiculous even if anyone had delivered it properly, the plot develops at a snail's pace without curvature of any kind until it gasps out the obvious conclusion. Maybe he lost a bet or something, and had to put his name on it as a joke. Or blackmail! It's only slightly less difficult to explain away Howard Hawks.
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