GODZILLA (1998) **1/2 Brilliantly paced: Godzilla knocks down nine Japanese fishermen with his tail before the opening credits, and goes from the Sea of Japan to Panama, Jamaica and into Manhattan in less than thirty minutes. Unfortunately only about 12 of the next 108 minutes are worthwhile, much less necessary. Matthew Broderick is perfectly cast as the scientist: it's great shorthand to let the audience know that the film will be flagrantly superficial and that nothing about it should be taken seriously, or considered a genuine effort. Jean Reno is tremendous as a member of the French Foreign Legion, last seen battling Greenpeace to, at best, a draw over similar issues. Then they reverse field with high satire-dumping millions of fish near Madison Square Garden to lure the beast-as if it didn't smell that way already. "That's a lot of fish," quoth Broderick. The Godzilla/fish eating contest "live from Madison Square Garden" is funny, leave it to the French to figure out how to shoot their way out by breaking chandeliers. Main complaint: After spending most of the first 11/12 of the film waiting to hear the gangsta-rap version of "Kashmir" as giant lizards knocked over skyscrapers, and wondering if perhaps the producers were unfamiliar with Blue Oyster Cult's "Godzilla," the scene never materialized. Fucking Showtime cut the sound to the closing credits just as Jimmy Page kicked in. Fucking bullshit. I want my money back, all of it.
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