WHEN TIME RAN OUT... (1980) *1/2 Paul Newman drills for oil, but instead erupts a volcano. Jacqueline Bisset shows up with a decidedly aged William Holden and an awful haircut, then opts for a ridiculous one (hair-do, Holden remains static). Ernest Borgnine is entirely unconvincing in what must surely be his worst role. You get the idea, all-star cast wander aimlessly through the '70s disaster genre formula pasted onto a volcano, itself drawn and pasted onto a picture of someplace else. If you're still with me, it's not all that bad, though I would have cut the crossing-the-bridge scene by about 45 minutes. I mean, it's a volcano flick and they spend half of it crossing the same damn rope bridge that's already broken in every other film ever depicting a rope bridge. Some hotel goof dumps Veronica Hamel for Barbara Carrera, which under normal circumstances would make sense, but this film is so weird that it's a mistake. The score is so overwraught that it doesn't appear to have much to do with the movie...which makes you think...it turns out that Lalo Schifrin is the only one who got it! If Newman would just wink once in awhile, or at least indicate in some manner that he understands that the proceedings are ridiculous; if Borgnine would somehow explain that he's there because he wanted to party in Hawaii, if Bisset would either get all hauty provincial or totally sleaze out, if only one of those giant fire-breathing centipedes would arise from the river of magma beneath the bridge...paradise has long since been lost and now opportunity joins it. I mean, there's a tidal wave that wipes out only main street, doesn't touch the hotel a five minute drive away. Pat Morita's there, why doesn't he kung fu it? Maybe it could have just bounced off Alex Karras' chest (Bisset was elsewhere) and gone back. Every all-star cast must have a winner, and Red Buttons somehow interjects moments of dignity and pathos, an extraordinary achievement when you think about it.
back to Brilliant Observations on 1776 Films home
go back home, or send me email
no more reviews! I want to buy your novel!