So a few of us were sitting on the couch mostly ignoring television after dinner: me (39), Amelia (6), Alexandra (8) and Myles (2). It's not a real couch, it's actually an extra bed in the living room facing the television and sideways towards the table and the other sideways out the window. We had a hide-a-bed at one of our old houses and got sick for a few days and left it down, and got better and realized how much better is was that way.

So we never considered getting a couch for this house. We bought an extra bed and put it up against the wall in the living room. Our few British visitors have been too polite to ask.

For reasons that probably have to do with the size of my record collection, the girls feel the need to keep me informed about their Britpop heroes. Whenever I accidentally say anything discouraging I quickly amend, "I mean, you know, I was right in the middle of Abbamania...I used to listen to 'Mamma Mia' and 'SOS' fifteen times a night, I liked the Carpenters and the Stylistics, what do I know?" They haven't been discouraged.

"Sophie Ellis-Baxter got thrown off of Top of the Pops," Amelia informed me, "She got too old."

"Too old?"

"Yeah, she turned 19."

"They threw her off of Top of the Pops because she turned 19?" That can't be right.

"Yeah." She thought on it a minute. "How old are you, Papa?"

I may not have turned out to be a rock star like I threatened to, but hell if I'm gonna flat out tell my own daughter that I'm too old for Top of the Pops. I mean, I wouldn't have wanted to be on a show like that anyway..."I'm 17."

"No you're not." Amelia didn't know the answer, but knew that wasn't it. Alexandra smiled.

"Sure I am."

"No you're not," Alexandra backed up her little sister.

"I definitely am 17! Ask Kasmira." Kasmira (13) was picking up the last of the dishes off the table. Her eyebrows raised.

"I bet you a pound that you're not 17," Amelia said.

"I'll bet you um..." I couldn't figure out what I could afford to lose.

Sensing an opportunity Kasmira dropped what she was doing and offered to bet me too.

"Well no, you can't bet me. You were supposed to be the judge. Ok, I'm not 17." Everyone was disappointed, they all knew that I wasn't 17 but they'd hoped to get some money out of the deal.

They were getting up off the couch to find something better to do. I had to save face.

"I AM 17," no one was interested now that the cash was gone, "I mean I'm 17, and then I'm 22 more." They didn't exactly freeze, but they slowed due to being perplexed.

"No you're not," Amelia said.

"Sure I am, I'm 17 you see, and also 18, 19...all the way to 39." They like being challenged philosophically, but they're wary of the bullshit. Alexandra's eyes gleamed, she sensed some highbrow bullshit and couldn't wait to call me on it.

"What?" Kasmira pretended to be interested.

"Here, watch," I went over to the bookshelf and picked up two books. "Do I have a book?"

"You have two books," Kasmira said, not exactly irritated.

"Right. I have one book, and another book." I looked around, no one was impressed. "I have one book....see, so I'm 17 and all the years up to 39."

"What?" Kasmira was more confused than irritated, it was a minor victory. Alexandra was laughing, she'd long since given up any hope or interest in following whatever nonlinear line of thought I was pursuing, she was just enjoying the spectacle.

"Hon," I said, waiving the books, Theresa (34) had entered the room, "Do I have a book?"

She'd heard enough from the kitchen to already be bored. "Yes, hon," she smiled.

"Then I'm 16," Kasmira said.

"No, no, you see...um...you can only be a smaller number. I have two books, so I have one book. I'm 39 so I'm 17...you can be, um, five."

"I don't want to be five, I don't want to be younger."

"Look, this is one of my dumber positions," I admitted, "Forget it." No one objected, whatever we'd been doing had run its course. I got a glass of water.

I went back in and sat on the couch.

Amelia appeared in the doorway holding a stack of books. In a voice at once ponderous, taunting and defiant she demanded, "How old am I?"

I don't like thinking about aging, I want to go home